posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Lion's Rest Studio
Winchester, VA 22610
Make music
able to play
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| part-time | $3K per year | Y | Y |
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Stuck Lone Quarry
Front Royal, VA 22608
Strike rocks with sledge
Your own sledgehammer
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $30/hr | N | N |
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
DrinkMasters, Inc
Berryville, VA 22611
test
test
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $1 | N | N |
test test test@test.com
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Exploded Knee Collections Company
Winchester, VA 22610
Beat, punch, terrorize deadbeats into paying their alimony
Strong, like bull.
Fierce, like lion.
Sneaky, like snake.
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| part-time | piecemeal | N | Y |
Big Jake bigjake@ekcc.com
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Sea Folly of Winchester
Winchester, VA 22610
Wax on, Wax off
Wax
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| shift-work | 10 cents per | N | N |
Barnakul Bill bb@sfwinch.com
posted: 2010-01-29
expires: 2010-03-28
Fictional, Inc.
Front Royal, VA 22615
Employee will drag boxes around all day, accomplishing little. The ennui of this repetitive task will slowly erode the employee's self esteem to the point where, with a sudden application of extremely aggressive mind control techniques, he or she will make the fictional "Jason Bourne" seem like a newborn infant.
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| shift-work | $15/hr. | Y | Y |
Chunk Bigblock 540-955-1236 mmasquith@meetwinchester.com
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Kitty Skritch Providers
Winchester, VA 22610
test
test
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $2 | N | N |
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
GetAlongLittleDoggies, Inc.
Winchester, VA 22610
test
test
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $1 | Y | N |
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
No One
Winchester, VA 22610
Deal with dung.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| part-time | piecework | N | Y |
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Wiggly World, LLC.
Winchester, VA 22610
test
test
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $1 | N | N |
test test test@test.com
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
Like A Weasel, Inc
Winchester, VA 22610
All the ferrets died, we now have weasels...
Never flossed a weasel? Well, now's your chance!!
We are overflowing with weasels. They have ripped our flesh, have attached to our faces. A strong will to live allowed us to prevail, and feed them proper weasel food. Now, however, their teeth have bits of human face flesh and weasel kibble stuck between them, and the darling little carnivores are irritable once more.
Will flossing each and every weasel in our gigantic writhing mass of weasels calm them down? Will they react like land piranhas and strip your bones of all flesh in mere minutes? Find out when you join our daring crew.
All applicants must:
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $3/hr. | Y | Y |
Ron Weasley 540-540-5400 weas@LAWeasel.com
posted: 2010-02-11
expires: 2010-03-28
The Dickies
Winchester, VA 22610
Be gigantic
Huge, like mountain
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | all you can eat | Y | N |
posted: 2010-02-13
expires: 2010-03-28
Hurlbutt's Projectile Eatery
Winchester, VA 22610
Prepare Haggis in a low volume kitchen
Low sensitivity olfactory sense. Own knives
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | 44K | N | N |
Barf Hurlbutt bh@hpe.com
posted: 2010-02-13
expires: 2010-03-28
City of Winchester
Winchester, VA 22610
General idiocy in public
Strict IQ maximum of 72
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| shift-work | $200K | N | N |
Hizzoner, The Mayor 540 540 5400 Mayor@Winchester.gov
posted: 2010-03-09
expires: 2010-03-28
U.S. Coast Guard
Kearneysville, WV 25430
We are seeking to fill summer intern positions for our internship program located in Kearneyville, WV. Interested parties should forward a current resume in Word format (preferred) via job posting.
Must be enrolled in college, preferrably in a computer science or engineering discipline.
Computer skills a must, preferably experience with System Administration, programming, or networking.
You MUST be a US Citizen with the ability to obtain a government granted security clearance, prior to starting work.
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | intern | Y | N |
posted: 2010-02-13
expires: 2010-03-28
JEDEC
Winchester, VA 22610
Joint Electron Device Engineering Council...
Usurp all JEDEC power, rule with an iron fist.
Strong hip hop talent, and an iron fist. Cast iron preferred.
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | You pay us | Y | Y |
DJ SemiKonDuckTorr supdog@jedec.org
posted: 2010-02-13
expires: 2010-03-28
Stomp the Presses Co.
Winchester, VA 22610
Flip a switch on command
fingers
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $1 per flip | N | N |
posted: 2010-02-13
expires: 2010-03-28
Bad Fishy, Inc.
Winchester, VA 22610
Detach parasitic lampreys from their hosts
Good grip, strong hands, sharp teeth.
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $2 per lamprey | N | N |
posted: 2010-01-31
expires: 2010-02-22
Cursed Earth Landscapers
Winchester, VA 22610
When, in the course of human history, it becomes necessary to plant a boot up the ruling elite and break off one's foot... Do It!
An enormously strong leg and delicate ankle
| hours | salary | seasonal | contract |
|---|---|---|---|
| full-time | $all | Y | Y |
Joseph Mama 540-345-3455 jm@jm.com
posted: 2010-03-09
expires: 2010-03-28
U.S. Coast Guard
Kearneysville, WV 25430
The successful candidate will assume responsibility for System Support Specialist (SSS) duties across several logistics systems. The SSS will report to the Functional Area Managers (FAM)s for each Functional Area. Responsibilities include, but not limited to: · Provide Configuration Management Support:o Plans, documents, and implements tailored system SCM processes and procedures that are compliant with USCG CM Policy, Plan, and processeso Assist and oversee the management of ATOM to ensure hardware and software configuration items are recorded accurately.o Administer Visual Source Safe and/or PVCS repositories.o Manage, administrate and oversee the chosen configuration management control system (e.g. PVCS, VSS) for all source code developed and placed under CM control.o Build software components for internal applications and product releases.o Assist in monitoring and configuration status of the development and test environments.o Develops and reports system CM metrics.o Provides status accounting reports as required. • Bachelor's degree or equivalent experience + 6 years of related experience.
requirements
• Strong software development/systems engineering skills and a broad experience base in the principles, concepts and techniques of systems engineering, configuration and data management.
• Demonstrated experience and knowledge of systems engineering, CM/DM concepts and principles throughout a system life cycle. Demonstrated knowledge and experience in developing, implementing and improving CM/DM processes.
Required Knowledge, Skills and Abilities
• Exceptional skills using desktop applications (Word, Excel, Power Point, Publisher, Visio, etc)
• Ability to work independently and in a team environment
• Excellent analytical skills and attention to detail
• Personal initiative (i.e. self-starter)
• Effective oral and written communication skills
• Outstanding organizational, interpersonal, verbal, and written communication skills
• Strong ability to multi-task.
hours
salary
seasonal
contract
full-time
tbd
N
N
| Acid Jazz Musician | Winchester, VA | Lion's Rest Studio | $3K per year |
| Aggregate Crusher | Front Royal, VA | Stuck Lone Quarry | $30/hr |
| Alcohol tester | Berryville, VA | DrinkMasters, Inc | $1 |
| Alimony Collector | Winchester, VA | Exploded Knee Collections Company | piecemeal |
| Barnacle Polisher | Winchester, VA | Sea Folly of Winchester | 10 cents per |
| Box Dragger | Front Royal, VA | Fictional, Inc. | $15/hr. |
| Cat Scratcher | Winchester, VA | Kitty Skritch Providers | $2 |
| Dog Walker | Winchester, VA | GetAlongLittleDoggies, Inc. | $1 |
| Dung Aree | Winchester, VA | No One | piecework |
| Eel Wrangler | Winchester, VA | Wiggly World, LLC. | $1 |
| Ferret Flosser | Winchester, VA | Like A Weasel, Inc | $3/hr. |
| Gigantor | Winchester, VA | The Dickies | all you can eat |
| Haggis Chef | Winchester, VA | Hurlbutt's Projectile Eatery | 44K |
| Idiot, Village | Winchester, VA | City of Winchester | $200K |
| Internship | Kearneysville, WV | U.S. Coast Guard | intern |
| JEDEC Emperor | Winchester, VA | JEDEC | You pay us |
| Killswitch operator | Winchester, VA | Stomp the Presses Co. | $1 per flip |
| Lamprey Removal | Winchester, VA | Bad Fishy, Inc. | $2 per lamprey |
| Posterior Punishment Provider | Winchester, VA | Cursed Earth Landscapers | $all |
| System Support Specialist | Kearneysville, WV | U.S. Coast Guard | tbd |
